Opposite

Seeing her today killed me.

She is such a sweetie, completely the opposite of me, perhaps that was the appeal.

I keep trying to not think about it, but I just feel even more broken.

I'm not sure how to deal with this for the next four days.

Bull Fucking Shit

The thing is, if you really cared you would have showed it. 

You always say "I know you don't think I care about you" and yes, it is true, I don't. Because someone who cares would show it.

You don't. You think coming over and visiting me is a sign you care, if you really cared about me, you'd actually genuinely want to do it, it wouldn't be a chore.

And you would always use the excuse that you express yourself differently. What a load of fucking bull. I have literally seen you do things for your team in front of my damn eyes because you don't take them for granted.

But I was always on the sidelines, forgettable in your eyes.

Taint

Why did you have to take me there to do it? To the same place you took me when we were falling in love?

You've tainted something that meant a lot to me.

I keep replaying the scene over and over and over in my mind. When you said her name, when you screamed at me for walking away, when we hugged like strangers, when you said you really tried, when you said you were sorry.

You're sorry? I'm sorry, for stupidly coming back to you, when you don't even feel for me. When you feel for someone else. When you do for someone else.

But then. I come back to the moments we were falling in love. When we were falling asleep with lips intertwined with empty bellies because we couldn't bother to eat.

It was the best feeling in the world. And now, I am scared because you may feel that with someone else, and I may just become a memory or worse yet forgotten.

I miss my babycakes, my best friend. 

Craving

Stars fading my dear, but I am still craving your kiss.

Your touch, the feel of you, when I am a little down.

Silly

I feel our whole relationship was a lie. I thought it was the job, something bigger to chase, something more important but I guess it is because I was never the one. I’m the one you didn’t want.

I was okay knowing that I was worth forgoing when you had your dreams to chase. But in the process of doing that, you felt for someone something you didn’t feel for me. You do for someone else what you never do for me. As simple as coffee, or even a Christmas present. I had to beg but she got it so easy. Breaks my heart. I was there pleading for it but she was there receiving it without trying.

It makes me feel silly.

Convenient

Do you remember when we were first dating? We were one month in and you told me about a girl you used to like. I started crying, because from the very beginning I knew you could never love me like that. I was convenient, easy, filled the void until you didn’t need me anymore.