Wednesday, 12 October 2016

The Thing About Confidence

To the girls that think I'm confident, here's the truth.

I am confident but ironically at the same time I am highly insecure, for many reasons.

Due to a body positivity video that my friend did, many seem to think that my head is well above the water, I swear there's so much more going underneath.

The truth is, just like you, I have many areas I despise about myself.

I have blemishes on my face which I have been trying to get rid off for the longest time.

Every Monday for about three months I got Vitamin C injections. Yes, I faced weekly wraths of a needle that were very expensive by the way; they helped but I screwed it up. My skin condition improved significantly but I ruined it via my own stress handling methods.

Make-up (in particular foundation) has been an integral component in my life for a couple of months. I used to be one of those girls that could just walk out make up free, hair not done. Not anymore. Sometimes even when I am at home I need it to feel better about myself, when I walk past a mirror and I see the scars it takes a toll on me. I'm someone who has dealt with many people with psychological and emotional problems including depression. It is a road I feel our generation is easily subjected to and when I start feeling down, I indulge in it but I don't let it consume me. I think this is so important for girls AND GUYS out there, don't fight away the feeling but at the same time don't get too caught up in it. I know it is difficult to find the balance but it is so important. Depression is a painful path not only for the individual but those around him or her.

To avoid falling into that trap, I find ways to garner some happiness. Make-up is one way. If I feel completely shitty one day, the next day I make sure I look hella fine and I go out and have a good time. Get your mind off whatever's bugging you. Got boyfriend troubles? Go dancing! Financial problems? Run. Whatever works for you.

Also, I've been experimenting with my hair and honest to God I do like the blonde I have on now BUT I only feel pretty when it goes hand-in-hand with eyeliner. I was watching this episode on The Real and Jeannie was talking about how when she was younger she was so insecure that she felt she needed make-up all the time. Well, in my case I know my hair fades me out so I need that contrast of black strokes across my watermark. I am not saying you should depend on make-up, I am just saying everybody has their reasons, everybody has something they are insecure about and I don't know we are just trying to cope.

Now, let me go into the confidence that you see. I have got to a point in my life where I am okay with my body, I honestly am. That doesn't mean I don't get upset about my love handles, of course, I do but I don't hate my body anymore.

And to be completely honest with you, it was a journey that involved a growth within myself as well as positive and loving comments from others. You see you tend to notice what is wrong with you when other people mention it and it stays with you for so long and then you get very insecure about it, comparing yourself to other people, micro-analysing each negative aspect. 

Now and this is very important, the complete opposite holds true too! I only started loving myself when someone else, someone very dear to me started pointing out all my positive attributes. I was shaken up, I've never seen myself in that light before. I tapped into what she saw and the more I did, the more I found out that other people had the same opinion about me. I swear the boys who made fun of me are the boys now trying to get me to go out with them. And to be completely honest, one boy did actually succeed. 

With this new found confidence, I started enjoying a significant amount of favours, discounts, and freebies. It is an enjoyable category to be in, people feed off your energy I guess.

The truth is external parties do make a difference, so if you have a chance to compliment someone, do it because you could be changing their life. Be honest about it though. While having said all this, you will come across fucked up assholes in your life who have no social cues. It is challenging but do not take it to heart, they are dealing with their own insecurity and envious issues. And some think they are being funny. Just fuck 'em.

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